Sunny

Hi everyone. I'm gonna try to restart my journaling/blog writing habit.

Perhaps this can also work as a script for vlog voiceovers.

I guess there aren't any better ways to relieve my feelings compared to writing. I am really glad that I picked up the habit of journaling since I was in university. As a male, I find that the world isn't kind to me. People don't really entertain what I have to express when it comes to my feelings. And the world certainly doesn't welcome expression of anger, if that's what males are feeling. Instead, it is the tears of female that is more prized or paid attention to. Not that it matters that much because deep in my heart, I know that the world isn't a fair place anyways.

Because of how this world works, I tend to sympathize and agree with the many characters in Japanese literature, particularly from animation and manga sources. Recently, I am closely following the Sousou no Frieren animation series online and I found myself relatable to many of its characters, namely the main character Frieren, the priest Sern and "old man" Richter. I plan to elaborate more about these characters when I have the time later.

Anyways, I have happy to see that n-buna is the composer of this lovely opening song for Sousou no Frieren series! I hope you will like this song too.

Double Cradle

It's one o'clock in the morning and I suddenly have strong feelings to write a journal entry.

I realized that I am slow at processing my feelings. Or I actually chose to delay my response towards my own feelings. Perhaps it is partly due to my poor emotional intelligence. Guess only practical life experiences could help me to grow my emotional strength. Reading materials can only help just a bit. Sometimes I feel like my emotions are a burden that I cannot control with ease. In the many books that I read about sales, the writers all mentioned about various way to put one's passion, motivation and emotion to fuel the drive for sales work. If only I can tap into my emotions as an energy source, then I would not feel so bad about being 

Or perhaps I could not find a place that I belong. That's why I am feeling lost, just like the sense of urban loneliness that I frequently envelop myself in during my teenage years when I wander in the Golden Triangle (Bukit Bintang, Times Square and Low Yat) on my own. Not to say that feeling is bad, but sometimes I do wonder why do I always feel that way?

I guess that being busy with my job and other matters in life's rat race, I delayed my own needs for mental and spiritual exploration, which resulted in the deterioration of my physical and mental health. Whenever I am comfronted with heavy traffic in urban setting, I could sense my blood pressure rise. Likewise, my workout routine have been reduced to almost none due to the additional work responsibilities. Though my living conditions are great, but I can hardly call that my home if I don't even spend much time there!

I guess we can only live life by moving forward but life's lessons are learnt only by looking backwards. So, as I look backwards at my 32 years of memories and experiences, I guess I really never had a life plan to begin with. I just live life nonchalantly with no direction or guidance, without much attachment or much wanting in life. Maybe it's okay for me to be like that. Could this be an effect of Buddhist doctrine that I was exposed to when I was a child? I am pretty sure that I live by the motto of "eat to live and not live to eat" only because because my teacher in Buddhist school told us kids about it and I found truth in it.

Teacher's Day was about 3 weeks ago. And I think about the influence of the many teachers in life that I had. The good and the bad. I guess when parents are engrossed in their working life, teachers become the next-best role models that mould the thoughts of young children. And funny thing is that how some youths tell themselves that they won't become like their parents or elders, but by some god-known reasons, they turn out to repeat the acts of their caretakers. I guess having Mother's Day and Father's Day celebrated around the same time as Teacher's Day may have some meaning behind, that we are all products of the influence of the people around us. So it is really important to surround yourself with people of positive influence.

I read somewhere that life's meaning is found in the relationship we have. But I think I have not accumulated enough life experiences to make such judgement about my life yet. I hope time will give a (good) answer.

Flickr and Instagram

Hi everyone

These days I am more focused on using other blogging platforms

which are better suited for photography

namely Flickr and Instagram:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/132116046@N08/

https://www.instagram.com/knightalex123/

Also, I will be working on a professional website/blog

to document and market my photography services

Hopefully I will be able to get more funds to pay for better gears

Please check this link out!

https://alexkokphotography.blogspot.com/



P/S: I will not give up on this blog!

I will be more inclined to use the current blog for my writing works

Formidable Enemy

Living in the 21st century is a blessing, for we can get various kind of goods and services at our fingertips just by touching the interactive display of our smartphones. However, for someone born prior to the year 2000, the overabundance on information, both true and false, have certainly caused me to feel overwhelmed at many times. As a result, I became insensitive to news and many other information. I realized that I hardly react emotionally to the events happening around me or in this world. I became very selfish.

I hope I could change things around and be a better person soon.

Posin'

It's already more than six months since my last blog post

and the new year has already arrived

I have hardly achieve most of my previous new year resolutions
which made me wonder if I could have used my time better
back in the year 2018
(but I did not)



I certainly believe in the power of "shutter therapy"
As taking beautiful photos of still objects and life objects
certainly help me to put my stress aside
and put a smile on my face
Therefore, I am glad to have a great friend
to introduce me to be a amateur wedding photographer
There is still a long way to go
before I can become an independent photographer
But more importantly, I hope that people would appreciate my photos.

The Gathering Storm

It's been more than 3 months since my last update
so allow me to compile my thoughts and experience since then
and put them all into words in a blog post

After submitting my thesis to the faculty, 
I started on a new job in the state of Perak
as an agrochemical salesperson
which require lots of communication and socialization
with clients and coworkers
While my sales figures are still poor
I hope that I will be able to harvest the fruits of my labour (soon)
There are so many small but tangible details in this line of work
that I can't entire managing them all with my current abilities
Nevertheless, this is the reason I accepted this challenge
So that I could get out of the "book-smart" label
and gain more "street-smart" skills

Besides my day job,
I am also fitting more time to achieve some goals
which I have set to be completed before the age of 30
such as running a half-marathon and possibly conquering Mt. KK
So I really need to be stronger physically to achieve these goals

P/S: I am still waiting for the viva voce confirmation
so that I can finish the course and say goodbye to UTM

Translucent

To be honest, I am rather envious of my friends who have close and meaningful friendship at their respective workplace. I am sure that such friendships help to keep them happy at their workplace. As we spend a lot of our time at work, having meaningful connections with work colleagues can support not only our emotional and psychological health, but also our ability to succeed at work (source).

So, throughout my 5 years of employment history, I was not able to find such friendship at work. Perhaps I did find them, but I never took the effort to keep those friendship alive. Why? What was the reason I choose to stay away from people at work? Was it because I deliberately keep my distance from them? Was it because I could not see them beyond their roles as my client, superior or subordinates? Was I lacking in empathy and emotions? As I become self-aware of my social problems, I seek to alleviate these problems before I become a social vagrant.

Perhaps I am just trying to avoid exposing my personal vulnerabilities at work (source).

Love and friendship - a personal reflection

 A blog without pictures is boring. Photo taken at Melbourne outskirts.

There was this blogger who wrote stuff that got me thinking a lot about my understanding with regards to relationship and romance. Allow me to paraphrase on the highlights of that blog post:

Males rely on female partner/spouse as their sole emotional support. Bonding between males are usually on a more superficial level that does not being honest about emotional problems. As a result, males need to have a female partner to share their emotional needs and vulnerabilities. On the other hand, females do no fear to share emotional problems. Friendship between females is heavily based on emotional support. Having someone to listen to all your problems and keep you company is equivalent to having a friend.

As a result, there is a disconnect between males and females when interpreting relationship as romance or friendship. Males generally think that only a romantic partner would share their emotion problems with them. However, to quote, "...females do it for their romantic partners and their friends and expect a male friend to do it for them the same a female friend would. This fools the male friend into thinking there must be something romantic there when there is not."

The Other Promise

In the end, I could not achieve my goal
of completing my thesis draft by the 26th of November
All the completed chapters require revision
and those uncompleted parts remained uncompleted
Academic writing seemed so difficult to me
as every statement require fact-checking

Actually, I made a point of going to Melbourne at the end of November
and used that as a reminder for this deadline that I have set for myself
Argh... this is so frustrating...

地下鉄抵抗主義

Hmmn... I guess I haven't spend any time
to reflect on my recent activities
so now I will be doing just that

Standard photoshoot with cosplayer friends in which I made the 2D scene into life.
But I didn't render any of those flame. I merely used existing photo stocks...

Everlasting Transeunt

I haven't done any video gaming as of lately
as I am busy with my thesis-writing
And I believe this will go on until mid-September
Now, as I am deprived of my video game aesthetics
I could only rely on my imagination to fill in that void
But I am sure once I have completed my studies
The outcome will justify the effort that I have put forth

Destiny's Union

I love video games just as much as I like good written stories. But I am greatly amazed by video games because itself is a medium is composed of various elements, such as visual art, writing, spoken dialogues, gameplay, animation cutscenes and music that works in tandem to create an immersive experience for the players. Written stories, particularly novels and short stories leave room for your imagination to recreate the scene being described in the writing, which include the smell, the touch and the feeling of the character. Your imagination of the scene may be limited by the words being written. If the description fall short, then the readers would usually fill in the blank with their imagination. In fact, all good stories encourages the viewers to use their imagination to enhance the storytelling experience. In some cases, the viewers were able to use their imagination to fill in the plot holes!

I'm Going All Out

Sigh, the girls in my office talk so much, I really have to put on my noise-cancelling earphones so that I can concentrate on my work or my (manga) reading. Sometimes, I wonder if they come university on their research or do they come here to socialize. Holy cow, it's been half an hour since then and they are still chatting!

Well, I am going all out. I plan to finish my lab work by end of July and start my pilot plant testing next month. Not gonna give too much attention to them,  but it's not like I can totally ignore them.

To the Future that Awaits Ahead

To be honest, I find that my time spent at ACG events was rather wasteful. After all, whenever I go to events, I hardly take any photos anymore. There are more cosplayers at events, but there are less people doing cosplays from the series that I like. Furthermore, the viewcount on the photos that I have taken and uploaded onto my blogs are ridiculously low.

Even if I were to cosplay, there are no longer anyone who would hangout with me. Just like yesterday, besides my best friend who came to the event with me, most of my other friends from the ACG community did not have the time to have a proper chat with me. In recent times, it was my intention to come to these ACG events to socialize. But regretably, I never achieve my goal. As such, I started to feel that coming to these events is quite a waste of my time.

Perhaps I could no longer relate to the happenings in the ever-changing ACG community and my peers as well. And I truly wonder what can I do to overcome this obstacle. I am totally clueless about any possible solution besides spending my time on other hobbies.

In Circles

Have you ever heard of the video game Transistor?
A friend of mine recommended the game to me,
knowing that I like good game music.
And so I started playing the video game many years ago
But I was never motivated to finish the game
Because most of the game setting was unclear to me
and there was no log or journal to keep track of the characters.
But finally, I had the motivation to complete the game yesterday.

Blue and White Porcelain 青花瓷

Recently, I have been looking for motivation to improve my vocational skills. In the past, I have never find such a need because I have been relying on my own desire for "self-actualization", which is the fulfillment of an individual's potential according to Abraham Maslow. However, through the passage of time, my desire for self-actualization is no longer sufficient because that desire had been slowly replaced by a feeling of content.

Teller of World

Of the books that I like to read, they can be separated into 2 categories.

The first category are stories that make me wonder how the world works. Books of this category are often non-fictional works that depicts the observant eye of the writer about human societies and civilizations. It may also include the plight of the underprivileged people to strive for a better future. This kind of books help me to understand the nature of human behaviour, emotion and relationship, which seemed to be rather remote to me who can be inept socially. However, to me, these books are rather taxing to read because it takes some thinking to comprehend the text and the lesson it tries to bring forward. At times, cross-referencing may also be needed to compare and verify any theories or facts in these books.

If I am not in the mood for such heavy reading, then I would rather pick up some other book for a lighter read. Such books form the second category of books in my classification. Books for my light reading are often fictional works that is set in some sort of fantasy setting. Most of the times, these works feature characters that are not closely related to my daily life, such as the Hobbits from Lord of the Ring franchise, or the adventures of Robert Langdon as written by Dan Brown. While the fictional works may also be placed in the modern setting, these works are usually thriller works which focuses on a fast-paced, action-packed plot rather than the intricate relationship and interactions between humans.

Blasphemer

It is definitely a great display of the the power of the law, where someone as high ranking as the sitting governor of Jakarta, Indonesia can be taken to prison. The law has been upheld by the judiciary and relevant enforcement bodies. This may be good for Indonesia, seeing that bribery and other "petty" crimes have become part-and-parcel of the daily lives of most Indonesians.

However, what is worrisome is this could become a landmark rulling, where non-Muslims are at risk of being prosecuted and sent to prison simply for discussing Islam in any way other than prescribed by the Indonesian Ulama Council. Honestly, I do not think these political and religious differences should be a divider of citizen unity. If one could not tolerate, accept or celebrate such differences, where can there be Unity in Diversity? There is no need to send someone into prison for two years under the crime of blasphemy.

Quoting from a discussion thread, "Indonesia along with Turkey, Malaysia, and other countries were once known as secular states. The world was led to believe that while Islam was the state religion, its treatment of all its citizens would be equal, regardless of religion. This is no longer the case as each of these states has taken the dictatorial route, where the line between politics and religion has slowly but surely disappeared".

In my own country, only the "liberal Muslims" are allowed to criticize the various activities done in the name of Islam while getting ostracized in the process. But should people who speak their mind be prosecuted? I do think every adult could think and reject any falsehood on their own. For instance, when Ahok lost the election, it is a clear sign that Ahok's administration is not appreciated by the people of Jakarta. Democracy gave its citizen a way to show their support for their leaders, though it does not entirely show the capability and integrity of the said leaders. As such, there is no need for such a conviction against Ahok.

Just my personal opinion.

Moonwisher

Yay, time to go for another photoshoot
Hopefully this time the stars will be visible
and I will get better photos
compared to my previous trip to Semenyih Dam
My friend also took the liberty to study
about the weather, moon phase and light pollution
so hopefully both of us will get better photos this time around

For now, allow me to post
a photo that was taken on last week

Soul Phrase

When I first started paying attention at ACG characters, I have always looked at male characters who were short or child-like. That was approximately 10 years ago. Some of the characters that caught my interest at that time include Harry Potter, Yellow (Pokemon Adventure), Edward Elric (Fullmetal Alchemist) and Ruronin Kenshin (Samurai X).

My interest to cosplay short male characters was probably because I used to be a short boy during secondary school. During my first year of secondary education (7th grade), I am the shortest boy in class. I still remember my parents and grandparents were so worried that I would stay short for the rest of my life. Alas, I was constantly forced to drink traditional supplements such as old groundnut root soup which was believed to be able to improve height growth. During that period, I actually resigned myself to the fate of being a short person for the rest of my life. Likewise, I started to look up at fictional male characters that happened to be not tall. Perhaps I was just finding a role model, fictional or real, to guide me in the challenges I will face in the future for being short.