Double Cradle

It's one o'clock in the morning and I suddenly have strong feelings to write a journal entry.

I realized that I am slow at processing my feelings. Or I actually chose to delay my response towards my own feelings. Perhaps it is partly due to my poor emotional intelligence. Guess only practical life experiences could help me to grow my emotional strength. Reading materials can only help just a bit. Sometimes I feel like my emotions are a burden that I cannot control with ease. In the many books that I read about sales, the writers all mentioned about various way to put one's passion, motivation and emotion to fuel the drive for sales work. If only I can tap into my emotions as an energy source, then I would not feel so bad about being 

Or perhaps I could not find a place that I belong. That's why I am feeling lost, just like the sense of urban loneliness that I frequently envelop myself in during my teenage years when I wander in the Golden Triangle (Bukit Bintang, Times Square and Low Yat) on my own. Not to say that feeling is bad, but sometimes I do wonder why do I always feel that way?

I guess that being busy with my job and other matters in life's rat race, I delayed my own needs for mental and spiritual exploration, which resulted in the deterioration of my physical and mental health. Whenever I am comfronted with heavy traffic in urban setting, I could sense my blood pressure rise. Likewise, my workout routine have been reduced to almost none due to the additional work responsibilities. Though my living conditions are great, but I can hardly call that my home if I don't even spend much time there!

I guess we can only live life by moving forward but life's lessons are learnt only by looking backwards. So, as I look backwards at my 32 years of memories and experiences, I guess I really never had a life plan to begin with. I just live life nonchalantly with no direction or guidance, without much attachment or much wanting in life. Maybe it's okay for me to be like that. Could this be an effect of Buddhist doctrine that I was exposed to when I was a child? I am pretty sure that I live by the motto of "eat to live and not live to eat" only because because my teacher in Buddhist school told us kids about it and I found truth in it.

Teacher's Day was about 3 weeks ago. And I think about the influence of the many teachers in life that I had. The good and the bad. I guess when parents are engrossed in their working life, teachers become the next-best role models that mould the thoughts of young children. And funny thing is that how some youths tell themselves that they won't become like their parents or elders, but by some god-known reasons, they turn out to repeat the acts of their caretakers. I guess having Mother's Day and Father's Day celebrated around the same time as Teacher's Day may have some meaning behind, that we are all products of the influence of the people around us. So it is really important to surround yourself with people of positive influence.

I read somewhere that life's meaning is found in the relationship we have. But I think I have not accumulated enough life experiences to make such judgement about my life yet. I hope time will give a (good) answer.

Flickr and Instagram

Hi everyone

These days I am more focused on using other blogging platforms

which are better suited for photography

namely Flickr and Instagram:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/132116046@N08/

https://www.instagram.com/knightalex123/

Also, I will be working on a professional website/blog

to document and market my photography services

Hopefully I will be able to get more funds to pay for better gears

Please check this link out!

https://alexkokphotography.blogspot.com/



P/S: I will not give up on this blog!

I will be more inclined to use the current blog for my writing works

Formidable Enemy

Living in the 21st century is a blessing, for we can get various kind of goods and services at our fingertips just by touching the interactive display of our smartphones. However, for someone born prior to the year 2000, the overabundance on information, both true and false, have certainly caused me to feel overwhelmed at many times. As a result, I became insensitive to news and many other information. I realized that I hardly react emotionally to the events happening around me or in this world. I became very selfish.

I hope I could change things around and be a better person soon.

Posin'

It's already more than six months since my last blog post

and the new year has already arrived

I have hardly achieve most of my previous new year resolutions
which made me wonder if I could have used my time better
back in the year 2018
(but I did not)



I certainly believe in the power of "shutter therapy"
As taking beautiful photos of still objects and life objects
certainly help me to put my stress aside
and put a smile on my face
Therefore, I am glad to have a great friend
to introduce me to be a amateur wedding photographer
There is still a long way to go
before I can become an independent photographer
But more importantly, I hope that people would appreciate my photos.

The Gathering Storm

It's been more than 3 months since my last update
so allow me to compile my thoughts and experience since then
and put them all into words in a blog post

After submitting my thesis to the faculty, 
I started on a new job in the state of Perak
as an agrochemical salesperson
which require lots of communication and socialization
with clients and coworkers
While my sales figures are still poor
I hope that I will be able to harvest the fruits of my labour (soon)
There are so many small but tangible details in this line of work
that I can't entire managing them all with my current abilities
Nevertheless, this is the reason I accepted this challenge
So that I could get out of the "book-smart" label
and gain more "street-smart" skills

Besides my day job,
I am also fitting more time to achieve some goals
which I have set to be completed before the age of 30
such as running a half-marathon and possibly conquering Mt. KK
So I really need to be stronger physically to achieve these goals

P/S: I am still waiting for the viva voce confirmation
so that I can finish the course and say goodbye to UTM

Translucent

To be honest, I am rather envious of my friends who have close and meaningful friendship at their respective workplace. I am sure that such friendships help to keep them happy at their workplace. As we spend a lot of our time at work, having meaningful connections with work colleagues can support not only our emotional and psychological health, but also our ability to succeed at work (source).

So, throughout my 5 years of employment history, I was not able to find such friendship at work. Perhaps I did find them, but I never took the effort to keep those friendship alive. Why? What was the reason I choose to stay away from people at work? Was it because I deliberately keep my distance from them? Was it because I could not see them beyond their roles as my client, superior or subordinates? Was I lacking in empathy and emotions? As I become self-aware of my social problems, I seek to alleviate these problems before I become a social vagrant.

Perhaps I am just trying to avoid exposing my personal vulnerabilities at work (source).

Love and friendship - a personal reflection

 A blog without pictures is boring. Photo taken at Melbourne outskirts.

There was this blogger who wrote stuff that got me thinking a lot about my understanding with regards to relationship and romance. Allow me to paraphrase on the highlights of that blog post:

Males rely on female partner/spouse as their sole emotional support. Bonding between males are usually on a more superficial level that does not being honest about emotional problems. As a result, males need to have a female partner to share their emotional needs and vulnerabilities. On the other hand, females do no fear to share emotional problems. Friendship between females is heavily based on emotional support. Having someone to listen to all your problems and keep you company is equivalent to having a friend.

As a result, there is a disconnect between males and females when interpreting relationship as romance or friendship. Males generally think that only a romantic partner would share their emotion problems with them. However, to quote, "...females do it for their romantic partners and their friends and expect a male friend to do it for them the same a female friend would. This fools the male friend into thinking there must be something romantic there when there is not."